Dreading The Day

You wake up each day and each day you are filled with dread…for millions of people walking the Earth right now this is their reality. Days upon days filled with dread, fear and anxiety. I know it sounds depressing but there is a way out of it all. YOU are the way out!!

Read that again…YOU ARE THE WAY OUT!!!

Anxiety is defined as “a feeling of unease or nervousness, usually with regard to something with an uncertain outcome”. Because it is a “feeling” which can affect all aspects of our lives it is definitely something that we can tweak, change and/or moderate for our own betterment. In a perfect world we wouldn’t have to deal with things that give us stress or anxiety. We would be able to simply let those things roll right off our backs like water upon a duck’s feathers but we are HUMAN and that makes us different! That means we must FEEL in order to process things and feelings can lead to anxiety.

One of the most helpful ways that I have seen people be able to combat stress and anxiety is through practiced meditation. Now before you go running away screaming, meditation is not as complex as some people make it sound. In order to effectively meditate, all you need is a quiet and comfortable space free from any distractions and your desire to focus on your own self-awareness and overall betterment. Really…thats it!

Few Tips For Effective Meditation
1. Sit or lie (lay) down in a comfortable position
2. Take a few moments to steady your breathing
3. Close your eyes
4. Listen to the sound of your breath as it enters and leaves your body
5. Let all distracting/concerning thoughts melt away as you breath
6. Focus on absolutely nothing
7. Just let your mind drift to happier places/thoughts
8. DO NOT try to control your thoughts – just let them run free

Another helpful way to deal with stress and anxiety is to develop and nurture a hobby. Find something you really enjoy doing and jump into it it with both feet! Reading, writing, listening to music, painting and creating crafts are all examples of excellent outlets for excess energy and are an IDEAL way to get your mind back on track and focused on what is really important.

The most important takeaway from all of this is the fact that we all have stress, we all feel overwhelmed and we have all let anxiety rule us in one way or another…the IMPORTANT part is that we DO NOT let it rule our existence. Just like with all feelings, moods, moments and emotions…we are in control thus meaning we always have the power to turn things around.

Light & Love

The Aftermath…

Let’s be honest, in a perfect world we all would find that one true love and live the proverbial happily ever after; complete with the happy home, white picket fence, 2.5 kids a pet and enough finances to sustain you all.

WAKE UP

This isn’t a perfect world and on top of all that we live in a world full of perfectly imperfect human beings so there is rarely a happily ever after without hard work, dedication and REAL love.

The hard truth is that people disagree, people fight and people don’t communicate. All those things can lead to a breakdown and a breakup. The good news is that most “disruptions” in our interpersonal/intimate relationships can be fixed with open and honest communication and understanding. More complex issues may require outside assistance like counseling (individual and couples). We wade into murky waters when neither party wants to admit to their part in the overall breakdown of the relationship. Far too often we fixate on the right now problem and effectively forget about all the past issues that may have snow-balled making the immediate problem bigger than what it really is.

Now, let’s look at what NOT to do when things go downhill…

1. Don’t attempt to be the martyr by shouldering all the responsibility for the breakdown – remember it took 2 people to build and cultivate the current climate of the relationship. Fault rarely falls on just one party.
2. STOP accepting sub-standard treatment just because you may have done something wrong – no matter what transpired in your relationship or where the fault lies; you are still a human and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.
3. Perception is reality so stop trying to change someone’s mind about how they feel about you – you cannot step out of your body and experience yourself within a relationship so your partner’s perception of you and your behaviors is in fact their reality of you.
4. You are not responsible for living down any indiscretions/issues within your relationship if you admitted to, accepted the consequence of and apologized for what transpired – if a person chooses to forgive you they should do just that. Forgiveness does not equate to forgetting what upset them in the first place so be prepared to hear about it again.
5. STOP letting people make you feel bad about your appearance, financial standing, social standing and education. They knew who you were when they met you.  – Though change happens over time, it is far fetched to think that you will ever do a complete 360 degree turn in personality once you reach a certain age so the person they met is the person they have to deal with.

The key to surviving and thriving within a relationship is to make sure that the relationship is built on a solid foundation of love, communication and understanding.

Grown Up But Not Gone….Yet

Adult children….

If you have them then you know the pains of raising them (again). Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not that you didn’t do a phenomenal job the first time around…after all you did get through adolescence and the teen years without maiming or killing them…and that is a feat in itself. The issue is that once they grow up, they develop their own mind but at times may still need to to impart wisdom (and money) here and there.

Children don’t come with instruction manuals and that can lead to some hair pulling throughout the process but don’t give up on your now “responsible adult” because there is more work to do. True parenting is a lifelong endeavor and a full labor of love.

Here are a couple of things to remember when parenting an adult:

1. No matter how old they get they are NOT your equal or your friend
2. You will disagree – on almost EVERYTHING
3. Be just as respectful as you desire for them to be
4. Be mindful that the things you showed/taught them will be reflected in their actions and decision making
5. To some degree they are a true reflection of how you lived your life when raising them (relationships, money management, communication, etc)
6. You can help them but you CANNOT change them (no matter how much you try…and cry)

From the moment we birth them into the world our children are no longer our possession but rather an essence that we were entrusted with to teach, nurture and love unconditionally. That in itself the truest form what parenting truly is.

We look forward to our children growing up, moving out and becoming productive members of society but your job does not end there. We must keep the same energy of love and enlightenment we utilized while they were young coupled with an adult outlook in order to ensure that they exceed every level in life we reached.

Be mindful that these ADULTS will be the ones we look to assist us in our later years so we better get it right.

Light & Love!!!!

 

Your Vision Is Your Reality

Everybody is talking about vision boards and vision board parties but what good is all that if you don’t have a clue about what your “vision” really is?

Your vision IS your reality!!!

Basically what I am saying is that what you ENVISION for your life, what you SPEAK INTO your life, what you SPEAK OVER your life and what you INVITE into your life is what your life will be. Plain and simple.

You don’t need a bunch of cut out words, phrases and pictures to tell you where you want your life to go. What you need is a clear VISION of where you want your life to go and PLAN of how you are going to accomplish the things you have set forth to.

Vision boards give you the ability to illustrate your vision of your life as you want it to be and for many that is helpful. Be clear though, just because you create a vision board does not mean that any of the things you place upon your board will come into fruition. You must put in the WORK to make those things manifest within your life.

So plan away, cut out all the pictures that depict the life you desire but remember to do the work to achieve the masterpiece of life that you have envisioned for yourself.

“A goal that is set without any following acton/effort is just a dream left to die”.
– NappyGryl

Access Denied

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

It is my solemn promise to do better at updating the blog with awesomely motivating content on a more regular basis.

With that being said…let’s jump right into today’s message….

Have you ever wondered why you keep experiencing the same heartbreak and disappointments over and over again?

If you are anything like the other billions of people inhabiting this Earth then you suffer from the ailment of giving too many chances and granting too much access to the wrong people! We allow people into our lives for a myriad of reasons but we tend to forget that not everyone we encounter is meant to be in our lives forever.

Heres the thing; we as humans have the capacity to love and some of us love hard. Sometimes too hard; friends….family….lovers…etc; we love too hard and too completely. There is an old adage that still holds true to this day and it states that “People come into your life for a REASON; a SEASON or a LIFETIME“. Those 3 things sum it all up…a reason is to teach you a valuable lesson (sometimes painful) but then they move on. A season, these people will be around for brief period of time and their presence will teach you some things (both good and bad) but eventually they too are to move on. The last grouping is where many have the biggest issue; how to determine if the person you are encountering is that LIFETIME person as this person will be in your life for its entirety.

Life is funny in the fact that it never shows it hand completely and you are always guessing but that is also the beauty of life. If you knew it all in the beginning then where would the fun in living happen.

We spend more time trying to “make” REASON & SEASON individuals into LIFETIME folks and guess what….IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!!! No matter how hard you try it will not work because everyone’s position in your life has been predestined and you can’t really change it. You can drag out and hold onto friendships, acquaintanceships and relationships all beyond their expiration date but it will not change that person’s position within the grand scheme of things.

We see this the most in romantic relationships and this is also the worst place to hold onto people that we should let go of. Have you ever noticed that the harder you hold on to that relationship that you know in your heart should be over the more miserable you become. Even though you will never directly attribute your misery to the relationship (because you blindly want it to work so bad) you know it is over.

Then we turn around and try to maintain some semblance of a friendship with that person just in case sparks decide to fly between you later on down the line…this is insanity!

STOP IT!

STOP IT RIGHT NOW!

Stop granting access to your light, your love, your happiness and your life to those who don’t deserve it. Once a person has left your life leave them be and move on. It hurts, it’s sometimes confusing and it is also sometimes very complicated but it must be done to protect your emotional and psychological well-being.

Stop answering those random “hey you” text messages. Stop responding to those “can we sit down and talk like adults” phone calls. Stop adhering to the belief that a breakup with no further contact was a “bad” breakup. Just STOP IT. Start living for you and what makes you happy. Star granting access to the people and things that nourish your spirit.

Just because you have history with a person does not mean that you are destined to have a future with them…REASON…SEASON…LIFETIME!

STOP granting ACCESS to those on RESTRICTED status.

Light & Love,

Blaq

After The Love Is Gone…How Do You Survive?

This is an age old question with a very simple answer but let’s back up a bit.

When you look at love and life as a whole things aren’t that massive. It is almost like the saying by DMX…”to live is to suffer but to survive is to find meaning in the suffering”. That is the most painfully obvious answer that could be given. We are going to love and some of us are going to love harder than others but more often than naught, we will experience some pain no matter what role we play in this things called love.

The story rarely changes…boy meets girl…they fall madly and passionately in love…things progress nicely and THEN….everything falls apart! This is where the water gets a little murky. Initially after a breakup you are left feeling sad, despondent, confused and sometimes a little angry (especially if the breakup was not mutually agreed upon) but here’s the thing…you can feel all of those things and still get past this place.

I know I know people always say those cliché little things to people experiencing a dissolution of a relationship:

Things will get better – they will but only if YOU make them better.

Time heals all wounds – depends on the wound and your level of  self-care expertise.

You can do better (this one I hate with a passion) – depends on how you look at the situation. That person may have been the best for you at that moment in time.

Here’s the thing, people come to you when you (emotionally need them, they fulfill a purpose and then it is time to move on). I know this sounds harsh but some people are in our lives as a way station (of sorts) to our destiny. Not every person you meet is predetermined to reside within your realm forever so in order to circumvent this darkness that you are feeling here are a few things to do that will undoubtedly get you right back in the saddle again…

Take inventory of where you are right that moment and how you got there. Make some time to honestly look at the part YOU played in everything (remember that every breakup can’t always be the other person’s fault).

Love is a two way street and people drive at different speed limits so there will always be the chance that you and your partner just happened to be on two different roads.

Take some time to be selfish. Allow yourself to heal completely before embarking on something new (remember that hurt people will in turn hurt other people so make sure that you are not visiting your dysfunction upon some poor unsuspecting party).

Know that there really isn’t a “right or wrong” way to love…it’s usually more like loving the wrong person the most effective way or loving the right person in the wrong manner for them. None of us love the same as none of us were raised (cultivated) in the exact same manner…it’s what makes us delightfully attractive to one another on a philosophical level.

Figure out your love style, your communication style and your intimacy levels (these really do exist in each of us and are very important on our quest for undying love).

I say all this to say that breakups are never easy, they are rarely wanted and they hurt like hell but you can recover from it….

You must simply believe in you so that you can heal you.

#HappyLoving

#HappyLiving

#LiveNviously

When It’s All Said & Done

We all have been there before…

girl meets boy / girl meets girl / boy meets boy (whatever floats ya boat)…

they fall in love….

and then it all falls apart

Where do you from there?

The answer is quite simple….

Wherever you DESIRE to go!

I know it sounds easier said than done but life and love really are that simple and here are a few tips to make it a little easier on you (and those around you):

1. Remember that you are special – no matter what has transpired, you are still a unique and worthwhile human being worthy of love.
2. Mourn the relationship – too often we don’t mourn the loss of the relationship which means we don’t heal from the relationship. When you don’t mourn and you don’t heal you are destined to jump right back into the “relationship fray” all over again with the same mindset destined to make the same mistakes.
3. Self-Care is everything – take a few moments each day to just sit and love on yourself. That can mean getting a manicure/pedicure, taking yourself to lunch, buying a new outfit or simply taking a few minutes for quiet introspection.
4. It’s oaky to cry – if you put your all into your relationship and it dissolved (regardless of fault) it will hurt. Don’t punish yourself further by trying to be a pillar of strength. Let that sh*t out…yell, scream and curse…you’re human.
5. Don’t get stuck in the mourning phase – this is the tricky one…it feels good to be angry, it feels good to embrace the hurt and let it wash over you as it gives your emotions focus. The important piece of all this is to not get stuck in this phase. Feel it…process it…and get past it! Notice I didn’t say get over it…that may take some time but you can definitely get past it all and come out on the other side even better than before.

Break-ups are an inevitable part of life but there is more to be found within those moments than just pain. Even a flower can grow from between the cracks in the concrete if watered and tended to correctly.

Tend to you…water…nurture and grow the divine essence which is you!!!

#LiveNviously

Coming Soon

So I have been wracking my brain as to how I should go about reaching the masses with the enlightenment we all so desperately need these days. I came up with the idea of a weekly recap/refresh session via Facebook live in the #LiveNviously group. This way we can all connect and go over what pitfalls/obstacles/hurdles we may have encountered during the week.

Date and time to be announced (I’m taking a poll of group members).

Let’s manifest greatness together!!!!

2019 – New Year New You…Same Bullsh*t

Too often we sit around in anticipation for the new year to start so that we can declare to anyone that will listen – New Year New Me!!!! You do know that you’re bullsh*tting yourself…right?

Why do you need a new year to embark on a journey of self betterment?

Why do you need an audience year after year to hear the same declaration?

Why is it that by August you are anxiously awaiting the new year to yell out that you’re reinventing yourself yet again?

The reason is quite simple…the year may be changing but you are still you.

Instead of making resolutions, make decisions…plain and simple. If there is a major goal you want to reach; break it down into weekly goals (ex. 60lbs. in 1 year = 6lbs. a month = 1.25lbs. a week, which is actually within the weight loss guidelines suggested by most physicians). Smaller goals mean they will be easier to manage; once you manage the goals you can meet/exceed the goals.

Here are a couple of great decisions to make for yourself in 2019:

1. Be nice to those you encounter
2. Listen to understand; not respond
3. Pay yourself first (even if it’s just $1 per week)
4. Stop comparing yourself to others; you’ll never measure up
5. Cut ties with all toxic things and/or people
6. Practice self care
7. Motivate yourself
8. Motivate others
9. Be grateful for what you want as if you already have it
10. Laugh as much as possible

Happy 2019!!!

Peace & Blessings

Inner Demons – Fact vs. Fiction

We all have a dark side, right?

We all have inner demons, right?

What makes dark…dark?

What makes light…light?

Here’s the thing people, dark and light; good and evil; angels and demons are all the same darn things and they are all what you make of them. If you believe that you have been consumed by darkness; chances are you probably have. Your darkness can never be my darkness and vice versa. I can never experience your pain, sorrow, woe, elation, happiness and/or a myriad of other things. Each journey has been been designated to us accordingly and we must proceed as such.

When emotion gets the best of us; as humans we desire to have a physical reaction to the event as opposed to a mere thought. We desire to experience in it’s entirety a pain that could rock us to our core and we do so without even knowing it. We welcome it. We embrace it. We settle in it. We FEEL it. We get STUCK in it. We SUFFER through it. We DO it ALONE.

Now most will ponder the obvious question of why would you knowing inflict emotional pain upon yourself and the answer is quite simple my friends….we can’t HELP ourselves! Our species is really only divided into two distinct categories; nurturers and needers (I know thats not a real word but it makes my point). Basically, we either need to care for someone or we need someone to care for us.

The ratio of the two will always be disproportionately swayed with regard to current relationship trends.

Oh yes, relationship trends really do exist (with no disrespect given/directed at any group or faction).

Remember a few years back swinging was in, then it was the whole BDSM lifestyle, then poly everything, and so on and so on. There are trends and they really do affect how we conduct ourselves within our relationships.

We can’t blame all our mistakes, bad decisions, missteps, indiscretions, behaviors and such on our partners, our parents, our kids or anyone else for that matter. We must stop and take stock of the things that WE are doing as individuals that are causing chaos within our realms.

Self-Soothing, self-awareness, self-affirmation, self-love and self-care all being with the same prefix….SELF! You must do for SELF. Love SELF. Care for SELF. Defend SELF. The list can go on all day but I will stop here and leave you with this….everything that manifests itself in your life, you asked for it in some way, shape or form.