The Aftermath…

Figures of couple from paper and scissors.

Let’s be honest, in a perfect world we all would find that one true love and live the proverbial happily ever after; complete with the happy home, white picket fence, 2.5 kids a pet and enough finances to sustain you all.


This isn’t a perfect world and on top of all that we live in a world full of perfectly imperfect human beings so there is rarely a happily ever after without hard work, dedication and REAL love.

The hard truth is that people disagree, people fight and people don’t communicate. All those things can lead to a breakdown and a breakup. The good news is that most “disruptions” in our interpersonal/intimate relationships can be fixed with open and honest communication and understanding. More complex issues may require outside assistance like counseling (individual and couples). We wade into murky waters when neither party wants to admit to their part in the overall breakdown of the relationship. Far too often we fixate on the right now problem and effectively forget about all the past issues that may have snow-balled making the immediate problem bigger than what it really is.

Now, let’s look at what NOT to do when things go downhill…

  1. Don’t attempt to be the martyr by shouldering all the responsibility for the breakdown – remember it took 2 people to build and cultivate the current climate of the relationship. Fault rarely falls on just one party.
  2. STOP accepting sub-standard treatment just because you may have done something wrong – no matter what transpired in your relationship or where the fault lies; you are still a human and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.
  3. Perception is reality so stop trying to change someone’s mind about how they feel about you – you cannot step out of your body and experience yourself within a relationship so your partner’s perception of you and your behaviors is in fact their reality of you.
  4. You are not responsible for living down any indiscretions/issues within your relationship if you admitted to, accepted the consequence of and apologized for what transpired – if a person chooses to forgive you they should do just that. Forgiveness does not equate to forgetting what upset them in the first place so be prepared to hear about it again.
  5. STOP letting people make you feel bad about your appearance, financial standing, social standing and education. They knew who you were when they met you.  – Though change happens over time, it is far fetched to think that you will ever do a complete 360 degree turn in personality once you reach a certain age so the person they met is the person they have to deal with.

The key to surviving and thriving within a relationship is to make sure that the relationship is built on a solid foundation of love, communication and understanding.


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