After The Love Is Gone…How Do You Survive?


This is an age old question with a very simple answer but let’s back up a bit.

When you look at love and life as a whole things aren’t that massive. It is almost like the saying by DMX…”to live is to suffer but to survive is to find meaning in the suffering”. That is the most painfully obvious answer that could be given. We are going to love and some of us are going to love harder than others but more often than naught, we will experience some pain no matter what role we play in this things called love.

The story rarely changes…boy meets girl…they fall madly and passionately in love…things progress nicely and THEN….everything falls apart! This is where the water gets a little murky. Initially after a breakup you are left feeling sad, despondent, confused and sometimes a little angry (especially if the breakup was not mutually agreed upon) but here’s the thing…you can feel all of those things and still get past this place.

I know I know people always say those cliché little things to people experiencing a dissolution of a relationship:

Things will get better – they will but only if YOU make them better.

Time heals all wounds – depends on the wound and your level of  self-care expertise.

You can do better (this one I hate with a passion) – depends on how you look at the situation. That person may have been the best for you at that moment in time.

Here’s the thing, people come to you when you (emotionally need them, they fulfill a purpose and then it is time to move on). I know this sounds harsh but some people are in our lives as a way station (of sorts) to our destiny. Not every person you meet is predetermined to reside within your realm forever so in order to circumvent this darkness that you are feeling here are a few things to do that will undoubtedly get you right back in the saddle again…

Take inventory of where you are right that moment and how you got there. Make some time to honestly look at the part YOU played in everything (remember that every breakup can’t always be the other person’s fault).

Love is a two way street and people drive at different speed limits so there will always be the chance that you and your partner just happened to be on two different roads.

Take some time to be selfish. Allow yourself to heal completely before embarking on something new (remember that hurt people will in turn hurt other people so make sure that you are not visiting your dysfunction upon some poor unsuspecting party).

Know that there really isn’t a “right or wrong” way to love…it’s usually more like loving the wrong person the most effective way or loving the right person in the wrong manner for them. None of us love the same as none of us were raised (cultivated) in the exact same manner…it’s what makes us delightfully attractive to one another on a philosophical level.

Figure out your love style, your communication style and your intimacy levels (these really do exist in each of us and are very important on our quest for undying love).

I say all this to say that breakups are never easy, they are rarely wanted and they hurt like hell but you can recover from it….

You must simply believe in you so that you can heal you.





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