Talking vs Communicating (Marriage Series pt. 2)


Many people would have you believe that talking and communicating are the same thing. The truth of the matter is you can talk to someone and not effectively communicate with them. A lot of conversations we have are just merely one person talking to another person very rarely are we as individuals communicating with one another.

In order to talk all you have to do is open your mouth and allow the words to come out; the words don’t have to have any depth and/or meaning they just have to be present. The things that come out of your mouth are not effective and do not communicate full and cognizant thoughts until you put some thought behind your words.

To effectively communicate you must do more than talk; you must listen, you must speak with clear intent and you must believe in what you are saying to some degree. We as human beings have loved to talk since the beginning of time. From the moment our primal grunts and moans evolved into words we were well on our way to being the top species in the food chain. The funny thing is all living creatures communicate with one another; meaning they talk to one another in one way or another to convey a thoughts and/or feelings. Just because we form what we now know to be words does not make us any more effective in our communication tactics then any other species. In actuality the reverse may be true. Animals communicate with direction and expressed intent and we oftentimes just talk for the sake of talking. We will never know how effective other species’ communication skills are  as compared to our own.

Now with regard to relationships and marriages communication is Paramount. You must be able to effectively express what you were thinking and feeling to such a detailed degree that your partner will have a full understanding of what you need and want.

I have said many times before that we like to talk just to hear ourselves talk. We as individuals like to be heard and we also like to be right but fundamentally that is still not communicating. The one thing we need to do in order to survive in any type of situation but especially a marriage is communicate. We must learn to talk but also we must learn to listen and really hear our partner. To fully hear someone and receive their message we must be open to the message that they are conveying. We must be willing to accept truths and perceptions about ourselves that we may not believe and/or embrace. We must stop talking just to be heard. We must be willing to step outside of ourselves and understand that the universe does not revolve solely around us as an individual. There are other people who matter just as much as we believe we do. In doing and embracing all these things, ways of life and feelings we will be able to move forward and grow as individuals enough that we will have the ability to move on and communicate with one another to such a degree that not only are we listening but we are also hearing; not only are we talking but we are also communicating.

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